When I speak with people, I have a completely different experience from the experience I have when I write to people. Hearing someone laugh makes me feel different from the way I feel when I read LOL.
Using email and sending text messages is simple and one-sided. I tell you what I want to you know, or I ask you a question about what I want to know. In an email or text message, there is usually no creative stimulation that comes from the give and take of a conversation. Most people are not creative, stimulating writers whose writing creates a sense of personality. People seldom attempt to project their personality into an email or a text.
Everyone shows their personality or shades of their personality when speaking. People may even create the character of another person’s personality through accents or voice tone or by placing emphasis on particular words. They may speak more rapidly or loudly. They may project sarcasm, agreement, understanding, compassion, or any emotion through the tone of their voice.
I feel different about speaking with different people in different situations. Most people feel the same way.
When speaking with a pleasant person about a pleasant situation, I feel comfortable. I look forward to the experience. I enjoy talking with the person. I may even find that I have gained peace of my mind from the experience.
When speaking with a difficult person about a difficult situation, I do not look forward to speaking with the person. I may feel anxious. I may even feel angry and can make a mess of an already messy situation.
I am more effective when I prepare to speak with anyone, especially when speaking with a difficult person.
I start with a written outline of the subjects I plan to discuss. When the conversation is important, I want to make certain that I know my subjects. I can research the subjects I need to cover and type the research information into my outline.
When I have completed my outline, I can let it sit overnight. By not thinking about it for a few hours, I see the information from a fresh perspective. I seem to have a higher level of thinking that takes place when I stop pouring over something and let my subconscious mind process the information.
Researching and writing the outline puts me in a better place mentally and emotionally. The process also enables me to understand better what I want to say. I am more spontaneous. I am more confident and better informed.
Unless I am speaking to a crowd of people, I try to remember that I am speaking with someone and not speaking to someone. In speaking with someone, I am listening as well as speaking. There are several benefits to listening to what other people have to say.
- By listening, I am learning.
- The conversation becomes meaningful.
- I gain insights. I can turn conflicts into solutions.
- Often people in difficult situations do not want to change anything. They simply want someone to listen to them and for the listener to express an understanding of what the person has to say.
- I may find that where there was conflict there is understanding and resolution through simple two-way communication.
- By simply allowing other people to express themselves, I can show my acceptance of their point of view while not conceding my point of view.
- When I listen to people, I often learn that their point of view is correct. The information I gain from other people helps me make better decisions.
- From listening, I can learn how to turn bad relationships into good relationships and good relationships into great relationship.
For important matters, I always use the phone, or I meet with a person. There is the risk that I am not able to get my point across and not be aware of how much is lost between my writing and the other person reading my message.
The wonderful ways of communicating through emails and texts are terrific for many of the things that I do. Speaking with people rewards me with a greater understanding between the other person and me.
