Attitude: How is it that some people remain calm, positive, and objective, when life gives them challenges and hurdles?  Is this powerful trait of attitude management is a teachable skill.

Understanding Moods and Attitudes

When I am in hungry, tired, or rushed, things can seem more personal.   I may feel more anxious or impatient.   My mood declines and my attitude declines with it.  I may feel angry over things that might not otherwise bother me.

It is easier for me to treat other people the way I feel.  Then I infect them with my bad attitude.  By simply taking a deep breath, having lunch, or taking a break, I can often change the way everything looks and improve the way I treat other people.

By understanding that other people experience the same decline in attitudes based on what is going on with them, I can avoid catching a bad attitude from them.  They are human.  I am human.  I can allow them the same understanding people have so often given me.

My response to other people in this light relieves me of the stress of owning their bad feelings.  I can let those actions toward me to pass.  I feel healthier when I can to see that, as humans, we share the same wiring.  I can find compassion for people who need compassion.  I can find patience with people who are being impatient.  I can stop and listen to people who are being rude without agreeing but simply letting them air out their thinking.

Conditions Affect Moods

Driving has a profound territorial impact on attitudes.  In my car, I have a sense that I am in my personal moving territory.  My mind says that the area around my car is like the yard around my house. It is my space, my yard, my safe distance between from other people and cars, my mobile territory.

If another driver moves into my mobile territory, I have a sense of violation and frustration.  My sense of mobile territory can even extend to a sense of injustice when I see a driver cut off another driver.

Among the thousands of other drivers on the highways every day, there are people who feel overwhelmed, experiencing grief, living in fear in failure, or experiencing other very difficult situations. There are other people who are simply tired and hungry and have just had a dreadful day and caught a bad attitude from someone else.

However, I can’t change their attitude.  On the other hand. I can change my attitude.  Maintaining a bad attitude is painful.   If I allow myself to stay angry or anxious, or fearful, I am trying to punish other people when I am hurting myself.  Bad attitudes are very painful.

 Furthermore, good attitudes have so many benefits.

1. I am healthier.
2. I feel better.
3. I can focus.
4. I can feel joy in the present moment.
5. I can celebrate life as a flow of passing events.

When someone has a cold, I do not see them as being a bad person.  I see them as a person with a temporary disease.  When someone has a bad attitude, I see them as a person with a temporary attitude disorder.

When you can, avoid people with bad attitudes.

Most people avoid those types of people.  However, when that person is your boss or coworker, you may find that the best way to keep from catching negative attitudes from these people only takes some practical steps.

1. Be very positive and upbeat around these people.
2. If the person is your boss, try to understand what your boss wants done and try to do those things without expectation of approval.
3. See them as people and not as evil forces.
4. Angry, rude, difficult, even obnoxious people are just people.   When I see them as human just as I am human, I realize that they are the one in pain not me.

Surrounding Myself with Positive People

The most important thing that I can do is to stay close to positive people and read or watch positive things. I love the healing that I get from positive people, places, and things.  Today I am going to catch the good attitudes and heal the bad ones, in myself and in the people around me.

Listening Failure: What makes us ineffective listeners? What are solutions to overcoming listening failure? Here are steps for more effective communication.

The Value of Overcoming Listening Failure

Effective listening is important in all parts of our lives.  In our personal relations, effective communications can help us build strong, long-term bonds. In networking, effective communications can help us create trust with the new people we meet. Whether interviewing for a job or building success in our current job, effective communications will help us create success.

Take Away the Bias

Listening failure happens on both sides of the table.  To prevent these failures, both the listener and the speaker must keep an open mind.  They must set aside their feelings and focus on the meaning of the message.

Better Speakers Create Better Listeners

More effective speakers deliver clear, concise presentations.  They connect their message to the conscious mind of the speaker.  The seek feedback from the listener to create a more effective message.

Great Listeners Create Better Speakers

The most effective people know how to ask great questions and to learn from listening. ~ www.jaywren.com

Great listeners look for the message and help the speaker present their information.  They listen without judgement. When appropriate, they ask questions and collaborate in making the presentation a discussion.

Tactfully, of course, great leaders teach the team how to give persuasive presentations.

Steps to Prevent Listening Failure

For the listeners and the speaker, there are basics to have great communications.

1. Stop what you are doing.
2. Silence your phone.
3. Look at the person who is speaking.
4. Ask questions when you need clarification.
5. Examine the discussion to see whether there is a recommended action.
6. At the conclusion, repeat the subject to your speaker and ask if they have additional, helpful information.

Conclusion

In conclusion, listening failure happens on both sides of the table.  To prevent these failures, both the listener and the speaker must keep an open mind.  They must set aside their feelings and focus on the message not the messenger. Both sides must eliminate distractions and focus on creating effective communications.

Interview killers:  How well you interview will decide whether you get the job. Here are thirteen things that can undermine your interview.

Avoiding Interview Killers

An interview is a critical step to getting a job.  Preparing for your interview and making good choices in handling your interview can turn your interview into a job offer.  Here are thirteen things you should not do and suggestions for the correct things to do in a job interview.

Arrive Late

You should plan for traffic delays.  Arrive thirty minutes early. Wait nearby to enter the building. Go into the interview five minutes early. Introduce yourself and say that you are there a bit early for your interview.

Wear the wrong clothes

Appropriate clothing will vary from job to job.  If you need to be dressed to go to work that day, wear work clothes.  If you are interviewing for a job for which you will have to wait for an offer, consider wearing clothes that are one level above the job.  For example, if the job requires jeans, consider wearing khakis.  If the job requires khakis, consider wearing dress slacks or a skirt.  If the job requires slacks or a skirt, wear a suit.

Leave Your Cell Phone Active

Turn your cell phone off before you entering the building for your interview.  Do note mute your cell phone.  Turn the power off on your cell phone.  For the short time you have in the interview, you do not need distractions from your cell phone.  If you even check your phone during the interview, you have lost the job offer.

Act Rude

Be courteous.  Know and say the interviewer’s name. Give the person a firm, but not strong handshake. Introduce yourself.   Thank the interviewer for meeting with you.

Bring up Subjects that are Not About the Interview

Help the interviewer focus on the interview.  Offer the interviewer a copy of your resume before you sit down.

Fidget or Act Restless

There are simple ways to relieve your tension.  Use the best body language.  Take a couple of breaths before entering the interview.  Make eye contact.  If direct eye contact makes you uncomfortable, look at the person’s face.  Focus on what you are saying and not what you are seeing.  Smile.   Sit up straight.  Gently hold in your stomach.  Keep your shoulders comfortably level.  Practice sitting this way daily.  It is good for your back, neck, and core, and will help you interview more successfully.  Speak loudly enough that the interviewer can hear you.  Keep your arms open.  Make occasional gestures as you are speaking.  As you behave relaxed, you will become relaxed.

Talk About Yourself and Not About Your Qualifications

Focus on your qualifications for the job.  Talk about what you can do and not about who you are.   Be specific when discussing how your experience fits the job requirements.

Go to the Interview Without Preparing

Show that you are ready for the meeting.  Refer to the things you have read about the company and about the job.

Act as Though You are Not Interested in the Job

Ask questions about the company and the job based on the information you found through your research and through reading the job description. Write a list of questions as part of your preparation before going to the interview.

Say Negative Things about Anyone

Talk positively about your present employer and your past employers. The way to keep things positive is to focus on your interest in the company that is interviewing you.

Dominate the Conversation

Allow the interviewer to lead the discussion.  Answer the questions not the things that the questions bring to your mind.

Leave Without Understanding What You Should Expect Next

If the interviewer has not told you what to expect next, ask the person when you will be getting information on the company’s interest in meeting with you again or making you an offer.  Express you interest in the job and say that you look forward to meeting again.  If the interviewer has a card on the desk, ask for one.

Fail to Follow Up

Successful applicants send a thank-note. The note shows that your interest in the job. Furthermore, the note shows that you appreciate the time hiring managers spent with you.  Equally, in the thank-you note you can request feedback on how well you performed in the interview.

Interview Killers

In conclusion, these things are interview killers.

1. Arrive Late
2. Wear the Wrong Clothes
3. Leave Your Cell Phone Active
4. Act Rude
5. Bring Up Subjects that are Not About the Interview
6. Fidget or Act Restless
7. Talk About Yourself and not About the Your Qualifications
8. Go to the Interview Without Preparing
9. Act as Though You are Not Interested in the Job
10. Say Negative Things about Anyone
11. Dominate the Conversation
12. Leave Without Understanding What You Should Expect Next
13. Fail to Follow Up

More Powerful Career Articles
The Best Time to Change Jobs
The 30-60-90-Day Plan for Jobs and Job Interviews

A deep breath will never dissolve my problems, but it will give me a clear head to solve them.
~ www. jaywren.com

Deep breath:  How does this simple action lead to greater success?  What are the many rewards of focusing on our breathing?

Health

Worrying about our problems steals our energy.  Our muscles tighten.  Our nerves become stressed and our nervous system becomes out of balance. We can get headaches, stomach aches. and aches in our back and neck.  Worrying is dangerous to our health, because it puts stress on our internal organs, especially our stomach and our heart.

Mind

Anxiety clutters our mind. Rather than dissolving our fears, anxiety hardens and fixes fear. We put the things that bother us under a mental microscope. We lose sight of the big picture.

And what am I really doing when I am worrying? I am not solving my problems. I am just scaring myself with my own thinking.

A Deep Breath is Normal

Breathing is healthy and normal. Panic causes shortness of breath. The decrease in oxygen only further increases the mental and physical harm of anxiety. Therefore, the physical action of a deep breathe helps restore our oxygen levels to a normal state.

According to Harvard Health Publishing, every healthy person is capable of taking a deep breath. However, we simply don’t use this normal, healthy process.

The Benefits

When we take a deep breath, our chest and lungs expand. The extra oxygen from deep breathing helps restore our mind and body to a centered and healthier state. We suffer less from nervous and physical tension.

Our problems still exist. But with a deep breath we can have greater mentality clarity to solve our problems. Focusing on our breathing helps us to return the present moment. We can look at our problems objectively. Our problems don’t dissolve, but solutions are easier to see.

Furthermore, we become available to our friends, our coworkers, and supervisors. Our lives not only become more productive with a deep breath.  They become enjoyable.

Unconscious bias is part of being a human. We all have emotions and points of view tied to our core beliefs. These core beliefs affect how we think and feel about everything in our life. How can we make our bias an asset?

Our biases lead us to seek out or even create an environment that reinforces our beliefs.  We build our daily activities around people, places, and things that make us feel safe and bring us comfort. As a result, in our daily lives, we don’t broaden our point of view.  Instead, we harden our biases.

Surrounding ourselves with people we like is normal.  People who look and think the way we do become our friends.   Following our biases, we become a member of a group that helps us advance our interests.

Therefore, in this case, unconscious bias is a good trait.

The Risks of Unconscious Bias

The painful triggers from our biases make us angry, even before we fully understand the situations that trigger us.

In these cases, unconscious bias is a thief.  It steals our happiness.  We not only suffer fear and anger.  These feelings can hijack our judgement. They can damage relationships and put us in pointless confrontations.

Likewise, the pleasant triggers put us at risk of accepting and even doing things that are not always in our best interest.  We fail to see the benefits of changing our beliefs and, therefore, our behavior.

Pause Before Acting

When unconscious bias triggers our emotions, we can do and say things that we soon regret.  Rather than risk harming ourselves socially and professionally through hasty reactions, we can do things to deal with the feeling before we act.

Here are some ways that we can pause before acting.

• Step away from the situation. Literally go to another location.
• Take a deep breath.
• If you are in a situation where a person is pressing you to act, ask for time to think.
• Write our feelings in a private note, but never send angry letters or emails.  Simply writing can take the sting out of painful feelings.
• Discuss the situation with a person who is not involved in the problem.
• Realize that doing nothing is, in some cases, the best way to handle a situation that stirs our bias.

The mere awareness of acting out of anger is a signal that we are at risk of increasing the size of a problem. Accept this awareness and pause before acting.

Understanding Unconscious Bias

By understanding our unconscious bias, we can grow.  We can learn ways to make better decisions.  We can become more effective as a friend, co-worker, or leader. Our lives can become more rewarding and happy.

Leadership Styles: There are as many leadership styles as there are different personalities and different points of view. Why does this matter? These traits create bias that colors a leader’s judgement.

The Effect of Leadership Styles

The leadership style that you use will affect the morale, productivity, engagement, and, ultimately, the success of your organization. Here are some ideas to help you rise above your emotions and your prejudice to create a leadership style that will lead to a successful organization.

Moods

We all have high moods and low moods.  When we are in a low mood, we can become impatient and abrasive. Additionally, we can lose confidence and become less effective as leaders.

On the other hand, when we are in a high mood, we can become generous with our time and the company’s money.  We can become less demanding than required for success team effort.

Whether we are in a high mood or a low mood, we must focus on the performance of the team.  Before we start to lead, we must level out our moods. Great leaders establish an understanding of what they expect of an entire organization. A bad mood can undermine the understanding an organization has of the leader and the mission. Trying to follow a leader who is up one day and down the next is confusing.

Consistency

Some leaders are inspirational teachers. Other leaders are practical teachers. There are leaders who micromanage. Some leaders delegate. Still other leaders leave all the decisions on how to do things to the people who are doing them.

There are countless leadership qualities that lead to success. Throughout my career as a recruiter and business owner, I have made notes on leaders I admire.  One of the things that I most admired was consistency.  Once I knew what to expect from a leader in terms of their expectations in our relationship, I could manage my style to meet the leaders approach to business.

For example, I worked with a senior vice president of sales who wanted to speak with me at 6:00 PM on a regular basis. She wanted an update on each recruiting assignment and my plan to complete each search.  I prepared before the call and gave her the information she wanted. Therefore, our calls were short, to the point, and productive. The consistency made working with the person simple.

Leaders who let their personality control their leadership often fail to focus on the organization’s mission.  Therefore, as a leader, ask yourself whether you are acting in the best interest of the organization or to feed your ego.

Photo by Silas Baisch on Unsplash

Giving credit to other people is a no cost way to boost morale and reduce turnover.

Leaders who have the humility to give credit inspire others to become future leaders. ~ www.jaywren.com

A Memorable Experience

Saying, “Thank you” is easy to do.  People appreciate it when I say, “You did a good job.”

Furthermore, people not only enjoy receiving credit.  They tend to remember the experience. Giving credit is a type of winning behavior that will help you build career-long relationships and an ever-growing network.

Humility to Inspire

Leaders who give credit are an inspiration to an organization.  They encourage positive behavior with positive reinforcement.  Inspirational leaders are not afraid to say, “You did an excellent job.”

Gaining Respect by Giving Recognition

People respect leaders who give credit.

For several years, I have published a newsletter. Two people have regularly given me thanks for my work in creating and publishing that newsletter.  One of these people is a senior executive at The Walt Disney Company.  The other person was the Vice President of Sales at Nestle at age thirty-two and today places more C-level executives than any other corporate recruiter in the country. I remember and I respect these people for responding to my efforts to keep them up to date on career and industry information.

The Simplest Form of Recognition

I have read several times that the words people most like to hear are the words in their name.  When I first meet people, I repeat their name during my conversation with them.

Whenever I greet people, I say their name. Of course, when I want their attention, I say a person’s name.

Name recognition is very powerful, especially with people you are getting to know.

The Real Winner in Giving Credit

The real winners in giving credit are the people who are giving the credit.  These people attract people to them.  I remember people when they take time to give me recognition. I find that especially is the case when I have done a large job.  Furthermore, I find that I remember people who have repeatedly thanked me for my work or told me that I did a good job. I feel good about myself and about those people.