There’s no better time than right now to feel grateful. ~Jay Wren
Category Archives: Emotional Intelligence
10 Ways Winners Become Winners
All those things I learned as a child about healthy living are by coincidence the same things that adults do to become winners. ~ Jay Wren
10 Ways Winners Become Winners
There are countless ways to become a winner. Here are ten things I see winners doing that help me.
Winners own their mistakes.
They correct them. They move forward. They don’t let life’s little mistakes lie around and create problems and stress.
Winners don’t apologize all the time.
People who are apologizing all the time aren’t correcting mistakes. They are just trying to deal with the stress of insecurities without understanding why they feel insecure.
Winners talk to friends.
Just having friends helps us beat stress. Talking to friends gets us out of my own head and into the present moment. Talking to friends helps me get my bearings. Talking to friends can also help me deal with the stress of insecurities that can cause me to apologize all the time.
Winners do it now.
Of course, we feel stressed when we keep putting off what we need to do. I win when I do the things I need to do.
Winners write it down.
When something is bothering me, I can write it down. Writing takes the sting out of stress. If I have something that I need to do but can’t do now, I can write it down. Having a list creates a plan of action. Having the plan helps me become more productive. When I become more productive, I have a sense of accomplishment. I feel less stress.
Winners eat healthy stuff first.
We must eat. Sometimes our cravings are going to make us eat junk. Winners don’t worry about it. But they eat the healthy stuff first.
Winners take breaks!
No one can run wind sprints all day long. Winners take breaks. Breaks make us more productive. People who work in virtual offices can easily forget to take breaks. I stand up. I walk away from my desk and walk around for five minutes. I lie down for a couple of minutes. I take breaks by getting away from my work. Not taking breaks creates fatigue, which screws up our perspective and stresses us out.
Winners get plenty of sleep.
Lack of sleep causes depression and anxiety. Lack of sleep creates stress. I get plenty of sleep and live with a clear, rested mind.
Winners get real!
It is so easy to believe that we have some kind of control over national or international event way beyond our control. Get real. We can’t police the universe! Being the police officer of the universe is completely fruitless and painfully stressful.
Winners get help!
Asking for help does remarkable things. Winners gain the advantage of getting help with their success. With one person rowing, you can power a small boat or a canoe. With dozens of people rowing, you can move a large ship.
Photo by Codioful (Formerly Gradienta) on Unsplash
Five Steps for Reducing Stress and Increasing Happiness
Six steps to reducing stress and increasing happiness.
Live in the Present Moment.
Living in the present moment means being fully aware of what is happening right now, without dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It is a state of mind that can bring many benefits, such as:
- Reducing stress and anxiety
- Enhancing happiness and gratitude
- Improving focus and creativity
- Strengthening relationships and empathy
Breathe deeply and consciously.
Breathing is the most basic and essential function of life, yet we often take it for granted. By paying attention to your breath, you can anchor yourself to the present moment and calm your mind. Try to breathe deeply and slowly, filling your lungs with air and exhaling fully. Notice how your chest and abdomen rise and fall, and how your body feels with each breath. You can also use a simple mantra, such as “I am here, I am now”, to focus your attention.
Observe your surroundings.
Another way to live in the present moment is to observe your surroundings with curiosity and openness. Use your senses to notice the details of your environment, such as the colors, shapes, sounds, smells, and textures. You can also try to find something new or interesting in familiar places, such as a flower, a painting, or a sign. By doing this, you can appreciate the beauty and diversity of life, and avoid getting stuck in your thoughts.
Do one thing at a time.
In today’s busy and multitasking world, it is easy to get distracted and lose focus. However, doing too many things at once can make you feel overwhelmed and stressed, and reduce the quality of your work and experience. To live in the present moment, try to do one thing at a time, and give it your full attention and energy. Whether it is reading a book, cooking a meal, or having a conversation, immerse yourself in the activity and enjoy the process.
Express gratitude.
You can express gratitude by writing a journal, saying thank you to someone, or simply reflecting on what you are grateful for. By doing this, you can boost your happiness and well-being, and foster a positive outlook on life.
Why People Believe Political Lies
Why People Believe Political Lies
Politics is a domain where lying seems to be rampant and pervasive. From false claims about one’s opponents, to exaggerated promises about one’s policies, to outright denial of facts and evidence, political lies are everywhere. But why do people believe them? What makes us susceptible to deception by those who seek power and influence?
In this article, I will explore some of the psychological and social factors that contribute to our tendency to believe political lies, and some of the ways we can protect ourselves from being misled.
Motivated Reasoning
One of the main reasons why people believe political lies is that they are motivated to do so. That is, they have a preference or a bias for a certain outcome, and they adjust their reasoning and evaluation of information to fit that outcome. This is known as motivated reasoning, and it can affect how we process and interpret political information.
For example, if we support a certain candidate or party, we are more likely to believe their statements, even if they are false or dubious, and we are more likely to dismiss or ignore the statements of their opponents, even if they are true or valid. We are also more likely to seek out and accept information that confirms our existing beliefs, and to avoid or reject information that challenges them. This is known as confirmation bias, and it can lead us to form a distorted or incomplete picture of reality.
Motivated reasoning can also make us more vulnerable to political lies that appeal to our emotions, values, or identities. For instance, if we feel angry, fearful, or hopeful about a certain issue, we are more likely to believe political lies that amplify or exploit those emotions, and to disregard political truths that contradict or undermine them. Similarly, if we identify strongly with a certain group, such as a nation, a religion, or a social class, we are more likely to believe political lies that affirm or defend that group, and to reject political truths that criticize or threaten it.
Motivated reasoning can be influenced by various factors, such as our personality, our education, our culture, and our media exposure. However, it is not a fixed or immutable trait. We can change our motivation and our reasoning, if we are aware of our biases and willing to challenge them.
Cognitive Laziness
Another reason why people believe political lies is that they are cognitively lazy. That is, they do not invest enough mental effort or resources to evaluate the veracity and validity of political information. They rely on heuristics, or mental shortcuts, that simplify and speed up their decision-making, but also increase the risk of error and deception.
For example, if we encounter a political statement, we may not bother to check its source, its evidence, or its logic. We may just accept it as true, if it sounds plausible, coherent, or familiar. This is known as the illusory truth effect, and it can make us more susceptible to repeated or widespread political lies. Alternatively, we may just reject it as false, if it sounds implausible, incoherent, or unfamiliar. This is known as the backfire effect, and it can make us more resistant to new or complex political truths.
Cognitive laziness can also make us more dependent on political lies that provide us with simple and clear answers, solutions, or scapegoats. For instance, if we are confused, uncertain, or overwhelmed by a political issue, we are more likely to believe political lies that reduce the complexity and ambiguity of the issue, and that offer us a straightforward and satisfying explanation, action, or blame. Conversely, we are less likely to believe political truths that increase the complexity and ambiguity of the issue, and that require us to think critically, creatively, or responsibly.
Cognitive laziness can be influenced by various factors, such as our intelligence, our knowledge, our mood, and our attention span. However, it is not a permanent or inevitable state. We can overcome our laziness and improve our cognition, if we are curious, interested, and engaged with political information.
Social Influence
A third reason why people believe political lies is that they are socially influenced. That is, they are affected by the opinions, behaviors, and norms of other people, especially those who are close, similar, or authoritative to them. They conform to the expectations and pressures of their social groups, and they follow the cues and signals of their social leaders.
For example, if we belong to a certain community, such as a family, a neighborhood, or a workplace, we are more likely to believe the political lies that are shared, endorsed, or promoted by that community, and we are more likely to conform to the political views and actions that are prevalent, accepted, or rewarded by that community. We are also more likely to avoid or resist the political truths that are rejected, criticized, or punished by that community. This is known as social conformity, and it can lead us to adopt or maintain political beliefs that are inaccurate or irrational.
Social influence can also make us more receptive to political lies that appeal to our social needs, such as belonging, approval, or status. For instance, if we feel lonely, insecure, or inferior in our social context, we are more likely to believe political lies that make us feel connected, validated, or superior to others, and to disregard political truths that make us feel isolated, rejected, or inferior to others. Likewise, if we admire, trust, or fear a certain person, such as a friend, a celebrity, or a leader, we are more likely to believe the political lies that they tell us, and to ignore the political truths that they hide from us. This is known as social influence, and it can lead us to follow or imitate political opinions and behaviors that are harmful or unethical.
Social influence can be influenced by various factors, such as our relationships, our roles, our cultures, and our media consumption. However, it is not a constant or uncontrollable force. We can resist and change our social influence, if we are aware of our social context and willing to assert our individuality.
Conclusion
In conclusion, people believe political lies for various reasons, but they can be grouped into three main categories: motivated reasoning, cognitive laziness, and social influence. These factors can interact and reinforce each other, creating a vicious cycle of deception and ignorance. However, they can also be counteracted and corrected, creating a virtuous cycle of truth and knowledge. The key is to be aware of our own psychological and social tendencies, and to be willing to challenge and improve them. By doing so, we can protect ourselves from being deceived by political lies, and we can empower ourselves to seek and support political truths.
The Power of Information
The Power of Information
If your friends, social media, and daily news make you fearful, hateful, and angry, you need better sources of information. Spend time with people, social media, and daily news that give you hope, joy, and solutions that lead to success in your life. ~ Jay Wren
Photo by Luke Chesser on Unsplash
Forgiveness
Sometimes the greatest freedom comes from forgiving someone. ~ Jay Wren
Photo by Ashley Whitlatch on Unsplash
What Are You Most Worried About?
What are you most worried about for the future? This is a question that many people ask themselves, especially in times of uncertainty and change. Some of the common worries that people have are related to their health, their finances, their relationships, their environment, and their purpose. These worries can cause stress, anxiety, and depression if they are not addressed or managed properly.
Let your worries motivate you to find solutions. Let your imagination turn your solutions into opportunities for happiness and success.
How the Best Leaders Manage in a Crisis
Difficult managers use crisis as a management tool. Everything is serious. Everything is urgent. They shake everybody up.
https://www.jaywren.com/leadership-so-when-does-the-crisis-start/
Life Challenges
Life’s challenges create pressure. I cannot always eliminate these challenges, but I can be smart about how I respond to them.
Action
I feel stressed when I put things off.
To overcome procrastination, I simply agree to do one small thing. A common example is to go for a walk, I lace up my shoes. To do odd jobs around the house, I lay out my tools. Often, this one thing sets in motion my completing small tasks. To reduce stress, I break projects down into multiple, simple steps.
When I am stuck with writing an article, for example, I write a statement. From there I write the information to explain the statement. I might write one paragraph. I save what I have written as a draft. During the day, I may stop and leave my work. However, by coming back with a fresh mind and additional information through the day, I complete the article.
Write Things Down
When something is bothering me, I can write it down. Writing takes the sting out of stress. Further writing helps me process anxiety. Moreover, further writing often leads to solutions to solving problems that bother me.
From there, I have a plan of action that gives me the confidence to be more productive. I have a sense of accomplishment. I feel less stressed.
Eat Healthy Food First
When hunger makes me anxious between meals, a snack cuts my anxiety until mealtime.
Sugar snacks make me hungrier. The sugar demands insulin to burn the sugar. Somewhere in the lack of balance between sugar and insulin, I feel anxious.
Therefore, I try to keep more satisfying snacks handy. Cheese, nuts, peanut butter are calorically dense, but reduce cravings and quiet the anxious voices in my head.
Take Breaks
Being tired clutters my mind. I become less productive. My cluttered mind focuses on problems.
For me, a power nap or a walk help me recover from the fatigue of working on most projects. Simply taking a walk reduces my anxiety.
To remind myself to move each hour, I have notifications on my calendar to leave my desk and move around.
I Take Breaks and Sleep at Night
Not only do I take breaks. I try to get seven hours of sleep. Allowing my brain to rest enables me to make better decisions. Better decisions increase success and cut stress.
Lack of rest is one of the steps to burnout. We reach a point where overdoing our job cripples us in ways that we cannot perform at work.
Keep It Real
It is so easy for me to want to control national or international events. Thinking that I can control these things is completely fruitless and painfully stressful.
People in forums say things that annoy me. Correcting them is pointless. I cannot police the Internet!
Likewise, I can easily believe that I can change other people. There are things that I can do that affect how other people react. However, just changing my own behavior is not always easy. Believing that I can change other people is often impractical.
Frustration over the things I cannot change creates stress. I try to keep it real about the things that I can change and not change.
Talk with Friends
Just having friends helps me beat stress. Talking to friends gets me out of my own head and into the present moment. Furthermore, in talking with friends, I get practical information on dealing with life’s challenges, thereby increasing success and stress reduction.
Stress Reduction
Reducing stress from life’s challenges clears our mind and increases our long-term success. The steps to stress reduction include steps to increase our health.
The Personal Benefits of Helping Others
Helping Others is Rewarding
Some of the best things I have done for myself involved helping other people. Giving my time to help other people in turn benefited me mentally and emotionally. Helping other people increased my self-esteem as a person of value. I had activities to plan and anticipate. I got to know as many new people as I did in high school. This work introduced me to professionals outside my specialty. My personal network expanded to include friends in medicine, law, education, technology, broadcast media, politics, religion, and so on across the spectrum of professions. I was able to use the leadership skills I develop as a Navy officer and as a businessman. Then, from my experience in volunteering, I learned from other people how to create new programs and build volunteer teams. Moreover, I had the positive feeling that I was making life more fun and rewarding for other people.
Here are places where I had so many personal benefits from helping other people. Perhaps my experience can benefit you.
Schools
If you have kids in school, you may find that volunteering in your kids’ schools has many benefits.
In Sacramento public schools, my wife and I created a program to increase school safety in a way that benefited the faculty and students.
I had the privilege of working with education experts in understanding and creating a forum for communicating across different cultures and ideologies.
With my wife’s support, I started the High School Safety Summit, a district-wide program to introduce students, parents, teachers, staff, administrators, and members of the community to programs for higher student engagement and higher graduation rates. To create pride in students for the school my own kids attended, I created the annual Cornell West Distinguished Award. In the first year, one of the school’s alumni, Dr. Cornel West, returned to speak to 700 students on the John F. Kennedy campus in Sacramento. Using this program, the school continued in future years to honor influential alumni.
At the request of a high school administrator, I worked with the school district’s facilities manager and a cell phone company to build lighting for on-campus nighttime football games.
Adult Recreational Sports
Never an elite athlete, I did enjoy playing adult softball and soccer. At first, I played on teams that friends organized through city parks and recreation. Overtime, my wife and I worked with the City of Sacramento to create new adult softball and soccer teams.
Teen Sports
One of the most rewarding experiences I had was coaching my second daughter’s teen soccer team. I recruited two adults to help me with training the team skills and stunts.
One of the most important things that I did was to hold a parent meeting before the beginning of the season. Given the freedom, at youth soccer matches, parents will set their lawn chairs along the touch line and yell instructions at and criticize the players. I instructed the parents to set up their chairs ten yards away from the field. Additionally, I told them not to speak to individual players directly during the game. No one could raise their voice or criticize one of my players. However, I did encourage cheering.
Personally, I never yelled coaching instructions or criticized my players during a play. I used the games to learn the things I needed to teach the players in the next game.
My method of coaching is not for everyone. However, from a personal point of view, I found it distracting when coaches yelled at me during a game. My focus went from the game to the person yelling. I didn’t want my players to have that distraction.
At halftime, I did make adjustments and helped my players see how they could take advantage of the weaknesses of their opponents.
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